Self-sabotaging relationships involve engaging in behaviors, either consciously or unconsciously, that lead to the end of a relationship or destroy intimate relationships. These behaviors can prevent individuals from having a close connection with their partner and can be abusive. Self-sabotage can come from past experiences that cause a person to be mistrustful of others, and with it comes a fear of getting hurt, which might happen if someone stays in a relationship. Some signs of self-sabotage in a relationship include holding grudges, refusing to commit, cheating, withholding gratitude, being overly critical, and obsessing over a partners location when theyre not around. Self-sabotage can be a defense mechanism, and it is usually not the goal to end the relationship, but rather to protect oneself from getting hurt.

There are many reasons why people self-sabotage their relationships, including fear, poor self-esteem, trust issues, high expectations, and inadequate relationship skills. Learned behaviors from childhood relationships with caregivers can also contribute to self-sabotage. While self-sabotaging relationship cycles can be challenging to break, it is possible to recognize and change these behaviors through in-person or online therapy. Some ways to stop self-sabotage in relationships include taking ownership of self-sabotaging behaviors, admitting and apologizing for mistakes, practicing empathy, building communication skills, setting and respecting boundaries, and improving personal wellness.